I have been lucky since I moved to MD. Working with Kate has been great. Her research is super cool and I look forward to following her work in the future. She is also a highly motivated by teaching and service and has been an excellent role model for me. I have also had what quite frankly might be the most amazing committee (and USDA collaborators) of all time. As I sit here I think of all the people helping me and it seems insane to be leaving them.
That being said, the research program I have been creating for myself is not where I want to go in life. I only fully realized and accepted this a few weeks ago. I want to be more involved in extension research and education. I had an opportunity to move towards this research at UMD, but I’m going to put that opportunity on hold.
This next bit is the hard part. I decided to put my enrollment on hold for a year. There are so many things in my personal life that need my attention. My grandmother is one of them. She has Alzheimer's and isn’t doing so well. Working on a PhD does not afford me much time to spend with her, which I need for my own sanity. I will also be able to help out with the household chores she can no longer accomplish, which my mom has been doing entirely by herself for over a year now. Hopefully I can give mom some of her own time back.
Additionally I’m taking a break because I’m going to be a farmer! I’m super excited for this. If I go back to school I want to have a better grasp on the research farmers need from scientists. Sometimes science and agriculture do not overlap, which is perfectly acceptable, but for me I want research that overlaps. And I miss working with my Dad. I’m going to get our veggie garden up and running again, come see me at the farmer's market!
The last little piece of my decision has to deal with some personal issues from my past that I’m still not ready to talk about. This is worth mentioning because if I can help someone facing the same challenges as me it would mean the world to me. These issues creep up often and in unexpected places which leads to mental exhaustion. It is hard to do a quality PhD and be mentally tired. Some people do it, and I have mad respect for them. But I cannot. Taking time off will allow me to regroup, get myself together, and come back stronger than ever!
I’ve had overwhelming support through all of this. I’m sure there are haters who would love to call me out and judge me harshly, but I’m old enough now to honestly not care. My department chair told me to remember that anyone who criticizes me over this has not had life happen to them yet. I will remember those words forever. He is also supportive if I want to come back and supportive if I decide to take my life in a different direction.